i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need a beard to bite.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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