O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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