planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
