I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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