did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As shirtless as possible
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
