I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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