And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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