dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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