Duck Duck Cougar?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
