Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
