So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
