I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
