wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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