bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
