I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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