So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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