If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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