in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
