You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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