he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
