Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize