i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
