Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
