Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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