I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
