So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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