just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have post one night stand depression
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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