Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pants are for mortals
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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