Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
