i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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