So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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