How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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