omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
