im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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