No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's rum buckets o'clock
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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