Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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