I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My dick has a subreddit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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