we're chasing vodka with high fives
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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