Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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