is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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