he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
