I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
