So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
