It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
