sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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