I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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