What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
