The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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