I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
