To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
