Where is the hickey?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
