absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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