I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
