He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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