He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize