so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
