Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
