Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize