All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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