Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
