just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
