he shaved USA in his pubs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
