So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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