went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
