i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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