so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
