So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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