Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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