Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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