when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
