She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
