I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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