A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
