So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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