How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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