I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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