You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
