I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
