I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
