I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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