its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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