At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize