the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
